4 posts tagged “humor”

I'd like to thank my neighbor across the hall for reporting another glorious exchange between teacher and student:

Student: That's pretty messed up how the school steals the Internet.
Teacher (and a few students): What are you talking about?
Student: This school steals the internet.
Teacher: No we don't. Where'd you get that idea?
Student: Yes, we do. I heard a couple of teachers say they get the Internet from the airport.

I don't remember where I came across this quote, but I wrote it down and saved it to my computer, so it must be good:

"Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

Ok. Time for a quick English teacher rant.

Why? Because I'm about to explode. From mines.
I'm not a weapon's expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I've read enough war books, seen enough movies, and played enough video games to know that mines are little things that go in the ground and blow you up when you step on them. Sometimes they can be placed in water. Sometimes they blow up cars. Sometimes trucks. Sometimes boats. They are mines.

Now we have the moment of confusion. When I said they are mines, I was not saying that they belong to me. I was not saying, in other words, that "you should give me back that mine, because it's mines." In fact, I cringe every time I hear the word "mines" used as an adjective denoting possession of an object. Example: "Hey I love your hair! I wish MINES was like that." Newsflash people. It IS NOT A DESCRIBING WORD. IT IS A NOUN in the plural form, meaning more than one mine (yes, technically it can also be a verb meaning "to dig," but this is irrelevant at the moment). And like I said, a mine is a type of bomb! Would you say "that's bombs?!!" Ok don't answer that. True, there may be some smarty pants whining (a smug, satisfied expression of having 'moded' the teacher plastered across their face): "well mines can have different meanings to different people. Yeah."

Ok fine. Mines can also be holes in the ground or in the sides of mountains. You find gold in them. Or diamonds. Maybe coal. Orcs from Lord of the Rings hide out inside. Snow White's seven dwarves clock in Monday--Friday. Those are mines. No, they are not MINE. They are mines. Places or things. Nouns. NOT DESCRIBING WORDS!!!!

I haven't reached my breaking point yet, but I'm not sure how much more "mine abuse" I can take. I fear mines will cause me to explode. Maybe I should just find some of those really big holes to hide in until this whole thing blows over. What do you call them?
Oh yeah. They're mines.

I was 18. I found myself in a simple song. It changed the way I experience music:

"Punk Rawk Show"--MxPx (from Teenage Politics)

We ain't got no place to go
So let's go to the punk rawk show
Darling take me by the hand
We're gonna see a punk rawk band
There's no use in tv shows
Radio or rodeos
I wanna get into the crowd
I wanna hear it played real loud
Ain't got no money to pay
Well get in anyway doesn't matter I dont care
It's feel good so we should share
Were going to the punk rawk show!

It's not the most grammatically correct of songs, and the lyrics aren't exactly poetry, but it's quite possibly one of the world's best live songs, if you care to watch piles of humans explode into utter chaos. 

Everytime.